taking a breath of life

Friday Reflections' prompt gave me something to think about this weekend. The prompt that caught my attention was this one:

Give us some advice on how to de-stress at the end of a bad day or week?

At first I wondered how I would give anyone advice on this prompt.  This past year has been so stressful for me that there were days I didn't know if I could find the energy to do ordinary tasks, much less deal with work and what was going on with the rest of my life.

But as it all spiraled out of control, I knew that if I was going to survive, I needed to deal with the stress. One day I stopped, took a deep breath and remembered how I had dealt with high stress times in the past. And so the advice I give comes from the lesson I learned then. It was actually a self taught lesson, a compilation of things I have learned over the years, and the way I survive times in my life when I feel as though I might explode from overload.

I see my life as a plate. Literally. I close my eyes and see what is going on in the here and now as a plate full of stuff. I don't see food, I see the words representing what is stressing me. For instance, if I have a deadline at work, I see a piece of paper with the name of the project on it. If I have several projects going, each one is on that plate. If I have someone in the family with something serious going on, I see them too. (The year my daughter Jen had multiple throat cancer surgeries, she was sitting on the plate, in a hospital gown.) This past year, my husband's pacemaker was on that plate, my cancer was on the plate, the dog bite I got on January 1, 2016 was there, and so was my mum's illness and death. Full plate huh? You bet it was.

In the past, when my plate got too full, I started taking things off the plate to relieve the stress. I quit a job that almost caused me to burn out as a nurse, and several other things too. The problem with this past year is that there was nothing I could remove from the plate. Absolutely nothing. I couldn't run from breast cancer, or the huge bite on my face that got infected. I couldn't run the day Steve nearly died because his pacemaker failed. And I couldn't stop my mum from dying. My plate was as full as it could get, with no room left for anything else. 

When that happens in my life, and it has happened in the past, then I use mental imagery to escape.  I fix a cup of tea, picture a favorite place I have been, remember something good that has happened in my life, and I go there for a little while. I have mastered the ability to be in a place physically, but be thousands of miles away in my mind. I actually discovered this when I was a child, and would live inside the books I read. It takes practice, but I can actually feel my muscles begin to relax, and my breathing softens and deepens. Relaxation. Life. De-stressing in the moment. 

Yoga is another way to accomplish this same thing for me. It is one of the best practices for releasing stress. I recommend it, because yoga has made such a tremendous impact on my life.

Taking care of yourself includes managing the stress in your life. Too often we spend all our days filling them with things to do, tasks for ourselves and others that takes up all our time and energy. And like a fuel tank on a car, eventually that tank goes empty. You have to make the time to refuel so that you can manage that busy life you live. A balanced life is a happy one. For me it is anyway.

And even with all that has happened since last April, I have found my happy spot again. That doesn't mean every day is easy and not stressful. It just means I have regained my coping skills again. 

Found my happy spot. I encourage you to find yours.

...stop, take a breath of life... ~cath

i am @jonesbabie on twitter

just face it

Two prompts for the Friday Reflection for June 10, 2015 caught my eye. Prompt #1 was a quote by Lauren Bacall, who said "I think your whole life shows in your face and you should be proud of that." At my age and with my experience in life, writing about my face would be easy peasy. A bit too easy. So I decided to add another prompt into the mix and combine them for a twist on the Friday prompt.

Prompt #2 was look through my photographs and choose one to write about. This is the photo I chose:

That was me about 4 weeks ago, on the morning of my first surgery for breast cancer.  I say first, because I found out that a second surgery was needed a couple weeks after the first one, and that was not an easy prospect to face. In this photo, I was positive, and just ready to move forward. Who doesn't want to get past something like breast cancer and move forward?  Being positive was easier with that first surgery. The second surgery was more difficult, because negative thoughts began to creep in and take over my brain.

It was hard to overcome those negative thoughts. I am not a negative person by nature, and won't whine and bitch about what was going through my mind. I won't give a lot of advice about the experience either. There have been tons of articles written about breast cancer and survival, etc. Sooner or later I will write a more personal post about my experience, so that maybe someone else who is diagnosed with breast cancer and starts combing the internet for information, will come across my little post and have a few questions answered.  But that time isn't now. I am not ready to dig that deep into my thoughts.

So I will focus on the photo of me.  Sans makeup, it shows me smiling, which is something I do most of the time. I have had a mostly good life, a magical life, with just a few life bumps along the way. Until this year, when I seem to be traveling a mostly bumpy road. Since January I have had to deal with things that are new and difficult for me to comprehend and work through. I have gotten past some, and some are still happening. I've decided that the best thing to do to get through a year like this year is to just take one day, one step at a time. To look forward too far is to sabotage where I am right now. And to look backward with regret is a waste of energy, because nothing will change, and again, it sabotages where my life is in the present. It prevents me from working through what I am dealing with at this moment in time.

So I will drag out my copy of A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle one more time, and thumb through it, and regain some insight into my mood and way of thinking, which lately has been self defeating. I will do this because I am that positive person my dad had a big influence on. I have that strength in me, waiting to be tapped into. I will do it because I am a get it done type of person, and not possessed of a victim mentality. 

I will continue to depend on my family, reconnect with old friends, make new friends, stay connected with my sisters (who were the first best friends I ever had), and find joy through my art and photography. I will tap into the strength inside me to overcome and deal with anything and everything, and it will show in my face.

My face, my eyes. An open window to my soul. 

...life isn't always good, but it is always real... cat
i am @jonesbabie on twitter

my saturday friday reflection: 5 things i am grateful for

This week, as I read the post written by Janine on her blog reflections from a redhead, I found myself nodding in agreement (again) with the wisdom she shares, and has learned at such a young age.  I looked at the prompts and the following prompt jumped out at me:

life is the dancer, you are the dance. eckhart tolle

Write about 5 things you are grateful for this week.

It immediately hit my mind.  The reason I have been smiling all week, and feeling so relaxed and unstressed, is gratitude.  Lately I had been thinking a lot, about my life for the past several months, about how I approached problems, about how I had lost my ability to pick through the detritus surrounding a situation and discover the truth in it.  I was bogged down, losing interest in many of my favorite things in life, crying a lot, and my hair was falling out again.  At one point I began to wonder if I was depressed.

Then I rediscovered a favorite book of mine.  I've read it at least 4 times since 2006 or 2007, so I added it over to my audio books list and began to listen to it (I have it in print, digital and audio form).  And what I heard amazed me.  The answer to my question was right in front of my face.  EGO.  I had become entrenched in my own ego, and was thinking and feeling from that standpoint.  I was responding to situations and people from the ego inside, and viewing things in a distorted way.  

As soon as I began to see that, stop over thinking and just be present in the moment, I found a change taking place. I began to relax.  I could feel my shoulders, which are almost always tight and hurting, begin to let go of the tension knotted in them. My hair stopped falling out. My face looked less tired. Most of all, the anger I had begun to feel, and the building resentment inside me, just went away. Just went away. By letting go of the need to feed my ego, and fully experiencing each moment as it happened, I began to experience a shift, and began to find happiness again.

When a friend told me at lunch this week that I looked happy, the realization hit that what we carry inside us shows through us to others. Things I thought I had hidden well, I discovered weren't so hidden after all. And so, the first thing I am grateful for this week was rediscovering the book that changed my life so dramatically several years ago:
My first gratitude: A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle. The title says it all.  

As I reflect on my life, and this past week, my thoughts go to my family.  The love I feel for them. The gratitude I have for each and every one of them.  And I am not talking just about my kids, grandkids, sisters, mother, husband, etc.  I include in laws, cousins, aunts, uncles and ALL my family. We are all connected by blood, or love, or both. But most of all, we are all connected by our human nature. It is the common tie that we share with all of humanity. I am grateful that for many of us, we have rediscovered connections that had gone dormant due to distance and years, and can maintain contact more frequently now, through social media. Being able to keep in touch has brought me joy, laughter, and reignited good memories.
My second gratitude: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and other social media. It is the tie that helps bind my extended family together.

A friend and I were discussing the fact that some people seem to flounder in life, and others find purpose and achieve goals in life. It is my belief that human beings are happier when they are productive. We do better when we set goals for ourselves, and keep a positive attitude about reaching them. I believe that people with no purpose in life languish, and miss a lot of joy. I've seen it too often. People who wake up every day with nothing to do but eat, sleep, and pass the hours sitting and doing nothing end up with a bleakness of spirit and body that often manifests in physical or mental illness, or both. 
My third gratitude: my job. I am not my job, and my job is not who I am, but it gives me purpose in life, and lets me help others.

I've been reflecting on friendships.  Friends are different from family. You are not bound by blood, you are bound by love, and a commonality of interests or personality that lets you connect.  If you are lucky to have wonderful friends, as I am, you learn from each other. You experience new feelings, ideas, and the friendship helps you grow in new directions. Not all friendships I have had have been positive experiences, but I have learned from them, and it has ultimately helped me understand myself, through their eyes.
My fourth gratitude: friends.  Positive or negative, they teach me more about myself.

My final gratitude may sound a bit strange, but as I tried to put my thoughts into words, I realized I could refine and narrow that thought down to two things. My hands and my eyes. Because of my hands and eyes, and their connection with my brain, I can put what I think or see onto paper with a pen, pencil or brush. I can look through a camera lens and see a story, and share that story. I have seen several stories in the news this week about people with amputations, and how they have overcome the challenge and met goals they set for themselves (refer here back to gratitude #3). It has made me keenly aware of my own blessings and good health, and also more grateful than ever that I am blessed with hands and eyes that can share what I see and think through my art, photography and writing. And so my last gratitude this week:
My fifth gratitude: my hands and eyes, that give me the ability to share my thoughts and feelings through my art.

Stop and reflect on your week. What are you most grateful for?
I want to thank Janine Ripper at reflections from a redhead and Mackenzie Granville at reflections from me for sponsoring this weekly blog prompt. I encourage you to visit their blogs, and read, comment, or join in the weekly reflections.



...laughter and life are good. ~cathy 
find me @jonesbabie on Twitter

giving thanks

Nothing deep on my mind today, no wisdom to share or funny story to make you laugh.

Just me, being thankful.  For my family, for my job and home, for the joy and beauty I see all around me  and the ability to be able to capture a small part of it through my camera lens and on a canvas.

Thankful for being able to occupy my small space on the blue marble.  What a marvelous ride it has been.

I am thankful for what is right in the world.  We see the negative and ugliness of humanity and what we are capable of every day.  But we are also capable of astounding goodness, and I see evidence of that every day all around me, and I am thankful to be witness to it.

For social media (YES!) I am thankful.  The people I have come in contact with, and learned from, and laughed with, and marvelled at, have been an epiphany for me.  I am glad every day that I stumbled across Twitter, Blogger and Facebook, Instagram and Flickr, Tumblr, BlogHer and Stumble Upon.  What amazing things I have seen and learned, and shared.  I am a better person for it.

For you who take the time to stop by and read my thoughts; and those of you who take the time to make a comment that brightens my day.  For all of you, I am thankful.

...life is truly good. ~cath
find me @jonesbabie on Twitter

drops of rain {haiku}

~cath
Twitter @jonesbabie