Thursday, March 15, 2012

relaxed housewife: bathroom tips

Mom always taught us to be neat.  And I have one sister who is an immaculate housekeeper like mom was.  The other sister is pretty close to that.  Me...well I failed at housekeeping.  Epic fail.  I managed it when the kids were small and crawling in the floor, because I didn't want to clean dirt off the kids.  I figured it was easier to run a mop two or three times a day than try to scrub a squirming kid that often.  It was a downward slide after that.  As the kids got older, mom's standards slipped.  Because I was just too lazy to clean.  It wasn't like it would stay clean, after all.

Mom also taught us proper etiquette.  Especially when we visited someone else.  I think she must have learned it from her Mom, because Grandma and Grandpa came to visit me after I was married and had kids.  The day they left to drive home, I discovered Grandma had stripped their bed and put the sheets in the laundry.  I really wasn't too surprised by that.  She was Mom's Mom after all, the person who taught the person who taught me all about cleaning.

Mom being Mom, she was thorough in her teaching.  First she taught us what it takes to keep a bathroom clean.  That ended up being my job when we were kids.  Vix got the rest of the house, but my job was to clean the bathroom.  It had to pass inspection too, and Mom was not easy on me.  I had to be able to see my reflection in the porcelain of the sinks, and the toilet too.

After I mastered that, she taught me how to use a guest bathroom.  It amounted to being stealthy, like a thief.  I figured out pretty quick that the goal of using a guest bathroom was to make the host/hostess think I had been in there but never used it.

It wasn't easy at first, and took lots of practice.  I am so good at it now, that I even feel compelled to wipe up those lakes of water on the counters around sinks in public bathrooms.  Airports, movie theaters, restaurants.  When I leave the bathroom, it looks sharp.

Here are my top ten tips on using a guest bathroom:
1. Leave the toilet lid down when you leave the bathroom.  This one is a no-brainer, but there are an amazing number of people who think that toilets lids belong upright.  This is important to remember, especially if the toilet lid has a cover with a clever saying or design on it.  If the owner wanted the lid up, they wouldn't put art on the lid.  This will actually be the last thing you do, but I listed it first because of its importance.  It is the single most visible failure a bathroom guest can make.
2. Soap. This one is tricky, because many people don't use bar soap anymore.  If they have it in the bathroom, before you use it, look around and see if there is a soap dispenser in the bathroom.  If there is, don't touch the soap, it is for display only.  It's fake soap.  By this I mean the hostess wants you to see the soap, but not actually touch it.  It is decorative soap.
3. If you use the soap by accident, use a bit of toilet paper to dry off the soap.  This means the lid should be up on the toilet, because you don't want to touch the fancy lid cover with wet hands.  Dry the soap, making sure you don't rub it.  There is usually some kind of design on the soap, and if you rub it off, the hostess will know you touched her display-only soap.
4. Dry your hands.  If you use the towel, you can smooth is between your hands after you use it so there won't be any wrinkles in it.  I have gotten so good at this one, that I can use a towel on the rack without putting a wrinkle in it, or having to refold and rehang it.
5. If the towel is too far and you drip water getting to it, grab some toilet paper and wipe the drips up.  Again the toilet lid should still be up at this point.
6.  Check around the sink.  Any drips?  Toilet paper, lid up, paper in toilet.
7.  If you are lucky enough to be an overnight guest,
and use the shower, make sure you bring your own shampoo and body wash.  If you forget, and have to steal a bit from the hostess, add a little water back into the bottle.  They'll never know it was used.
8. If there is soap in the shower, it is ok to use.  Soap left there is usually not the fancy kind left for display.  Just be sure you don't leave any body hair on the soap.  Gross, and sure to get you off the invite-to-visit list.
9. Speaking of hair, don't leave hair of indeterminate origin in the shower or sink.  Treat it like a crime scene, and get every last strand up.  The host/hostess may like you, but it doesn't mean they like you enough to clean up your body hair.
10. If you use their toothpaste, be sure you squeeze it the way they do.  If they are top rollers, then roll the tube down.  Those types are OCD, and if you squeeze it in the middle, there is a good chance you won't be invited back.

Take one last look around before you leave the bathroom for anything left out of place.  When you go out the door, the bathroom should look the same way it did when you walked in.  Unused.

And don't forget to put the toilet lid down.

~cath xo
Twitter @jonesbabie

25 comments:

  1. Good chuckle to start my morning off right. My stepmom is one who puts out fake soap and real towels but doesn't really expect you to use them. I always take my own toiletries when I visit.

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    1. Fake soap and real towels make me nervous. It takes way more time to dry the soap bubbles off and straighten the towel. I have been known to use the back side of the bath towel to save time. :D

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  2. Your mom and my mom must have gone to the same school of cleaning. Great tips. I also feel compelled to wipe up the counters and clean up in public restrooms.

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    1. Thank goodness my mum has relaxed in her old age. She doesn't have the energy to be supercleaner now, and I feel much more comfortable visiting her. :D

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  3. Yes, I remember being taught by mom to leave the bathroom the way it was when you came into it. Also turn off lights, close or leave doors open, leaving the least footprint you can! I am not compelled to clean counters in public places any more with all the super bugs there are out there, they are probably floating in that water, lol....kidding...no not kidding...loved the story Cath and I appreciate your getting rid of any evidence of body hair in my new shower while you were here. Although you do need to work on banging the toilet lid when closing. Just because you have a high tech self closing toilet lid doesn't mean everyone else does! :-D
    P.S. I swear it looked like you ironed those hand towels!

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    1. I'm glad mum is moving in with you Vix. She'd die if she saw the shape my house (and bathroom) are in right now. :D

      That banging toilet lid scared me more than you. I thought there were going to be some drips in the floor to clean up for a minute. xoxo

      PS..I am a hand towel expert now. The only giveaway is they are damp when I finish. But wrinkle free. :D

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  4. Hello! This was so cool to read. I always, always make sure I leave the bathroom exactly the way it was. I have long hair and I hate seeing hair lingering around in my own bathroom, so when I'm in someone's house, I triple check if everything is clean. Love the tips. ^_^

    Ciao!
    TJ

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    1. Thanks for the feedback! I feel so much better knowing I am not the only person out who is a detail expert. :D

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  5. Great tips! Sadly, I am an OCD tube roller married to a middle-of-the-tube squeezer. But I love him anyway.

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    1. We solved that problem Beckey. We have our own bathrooms, separate toothpastes, etc. We even have different toilet paper. Mine is the fancier, softer kind. And invariably the grandkids use mine, and too much of it, and stop the toilet up. :D

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  6. Hilarious! And I can see now we have much in common: I am a counter wiper too, probably in some near future I will be travelling around looking for counters to wipe clean and talking to myself all the time, tststst people these days ...

    Keeping a bathroom clean seems to use up an enormous amount of toilet paper! My daughter used to clean this way and substituting water in the shampoo bottle, too, being too lazy to get a new bottle out. Can you imagine my frustration being in the shower and washing my hair with ... water, now what? Getting out of the shower, dropping water all over the place and getting this so hard to reach bottle?

    Love your tips, Cathy! If you ever come my way, you are welcome to use any soap (bar or bottle) you find in the house and please, do not dry it off.

    Ah, the toilet lid: according to Feng Shui the lid absolutely has to stay down, otherwise bad spirits might enter you house. I am ever so obsessed with it, down with the lid.

    Thanks so much, what a great start to the day!

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    1. Glad I could make you laugh Barbara, that was my intent. Life is way too serious anyway. I appreciate the offer to use your soap. That warms my heart. We are still training the grandkids to remember to flush. Closing the toilet lid is next on the list. It's such a challenge. You never know what you will see in my bathroom when they come out. :D

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  7. very sound advice indeed...I loved it. My mom is the exact opposite, which means that I wasn't taught properly how to behave. I especially like your point on the decorative soap. I have just realised that I have one...

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    1. Before the advent of body lotions and sprays, it used to be de rigueur to give decorative hand soaps as gifts. I still love the idea, and wish it would gain some popularity. Everyone should have at least one in their home. :D

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  8. Love this post, not because my mother ever taught it to me (she was an epic fail as a mother and a housekeeper) but because I do it automatically! I'm so anal...naturally!


    Found you via Write On Edge and like your blog. Gotta read some more. :-)

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    1. Wow Pamela, I am just beginning to dabble around with Write on Edge. All those great writers intimidate me. Thanks for taking the time to read.

      It's you Type A personalities that keep us Type B's in line. Keep it up or bathrooms everywhere will be epic fails. :D

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  9. LOL! And this is the reason; I don't stay over easily at other's places! They may be normal but their bathrooms are too tough!

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    1. I always breathe easier when I see a rumpled bathroom towel when I am visiting someone. :D

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  10. So I have to ask...would you be 'as rude' as to turn around somebody's toilet roll so it comes off the holder your preferred way? lol

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    1. Oh dear, I was hoping no one would ask that...but...yes.

      But only in my sister's bathroom. I actually did that a few weeks ago while I was visiting her. I think the youngest sister was the one who put it on the wrong way. :D

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  11. I have been guilty of soiling the decorative hand towels to dry your hands. Duh, I should have just used my pants!

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    1. I used to use my pants until I figured out how to do it undetected. It's made me a little paranoid though. Now when guests leave, even if my bathroom towels look unused, they get washed...you never know...

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  12. I can relate to these tips as I've been to one of those guest bathrooms that need to stay immaculate. I respect such hosts although my inclination has been to teach them a lesson. This means I keep it clean and as orderly as I had found it, but I also don't comply with such weird requirements like keeping it as if no one had used it. It just never made sense to me...So...yes, I use the 'decorative soaps' and though I clean up water drips on the floor, I don't bother to dry the inside of the sink. Am I evil? hahahaha....

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    1. You are a breath of fresh air Joy...you can visit my bathroom anytime. :D

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  13. Oh your Mum sounds so much like mine - and makes me realize why I'm so finicky about bathrooms too!

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