Tuesday, September 18, 2012

the most unkindest cut of all



Marcus Antonius:
For Brutus, as you know, was Caesar's angel.
Judge, O you gods, how dearly Caesar lov'd him!
This was the most unkindest cut of all;
For when the noble Caesar saw him stab,
Ingratitude, more strong than traitors' arms,
Quite vanquish'd him: then burst his mighty
heart. . . .
Julius Caesar Act 3, scene 2, 181–186


When I think of this passage of Shakespeare, it isn't treachery and murder I think about.  
I think about my hair.  Specifically I am thinking about a week or so ago, when we were getting ready to go to Stevie Wonder's family reunion.  I thought I was in pretty good shape hair wise, until the weekend before when Wretch came to spend the night with us.  And made the comment that started me down the slippery slope of hair doom.

"Mom I liked your hair better when you had it spiked.  When you wear it like this, you look like you have old lady hair."

I'd left my hair a bit longer the past two cuts.  Just for a change.  I thought it looked snazzy.  Until Wretch's comment.  Then the night before the family reunion, I looked in the mirror and saw...

...old lady hair...  I was going to leave it alone, I truly was.  

But I made the mistake of storing my hair scissors on the bathroom sink.  Right in front of my eyes.  I thought maybe just a trim.  Then I remembered the scene in The Banger Sisters, when Susan Sarandon throws off the yoke of middle class humdrummity she has mired in, and gives herself a choppy cute hair cut.  With a pair of scissors.  I thought to myself if she could do it, then so could I.  I grabbed the scissors and started cutting.
I forgot one small detail.  The Banger Sisters was a movie.  Pretend.  Fake.  Susan Sarandon didn't cut her own hair.  Some expensive Hollywood hair stylist did it and then they put the scissors in her hand to make it look like she cut her own hair.  It was faked to look that way.  But that never entered my mind at the fateful moment I picked up the scissors.  All I could see was the end result.  That I would miraculously be able to take no training or talent in hair design and turn it into a cut that looked like it cost a fortune. 

I chopped on it.  Then chopped some more.  I noticed it was uneven and so I evened the sides up.  I cut the back by feel.  Blind.  Without looking at what I was doing.  By the time I finished, it didn't look too bad.  I put plenty of hair goop and sprays and stuff in it and the next day at the reunion it looked passable.  Sort of.  If you didn't look too closely at the holes in it.

The problem for me was that for the next week, I kept trimming.  Here and there, I would notice another spot.  So I would trim a little more.  I became obsessive with it.  

My hair gets shorter every day.  Stevie Wonder offered me the dog clippers yesterday to finish it off.

I huffed and gave him the nastiest look I could muster.

I just wonder how I am going to grow enough hair to have for Vix to beautify me when I get to California in two weeks.  She's going to kill me when she sees it.  Right after she laughs in my face.


...life is good. ~cath find me @jonesbabie on Twitter

12 comments:

  1. GAH!! I once thought I could cut my own hair. After the man of the house found me in the bathroom crying - he sent me to the salon for a fix. Of course, now that I wear it so long, I just pull it all up on top of my head and trim the ends for some long layers and then trim the bang area. Easy peasy!

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    1. You have it figured out Beckey! I am still chopping mine, but at least it looks different every day. I don't think there will be much for vix to work with when I get to California! :D

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  2. Yes Vix will laugh and then she will fix it. Oh and she will color it too! (she got some marvelous red to use!)

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    1. Haha mum, I can't wait to see the red! I may not have much hair left to work with, but at least it will be a snazzy color!

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  3. Funny how this can happen. Made the same mistake with my hair - and I can't cut a straight line! Though it was the 70's when terrible haircuts were in. So just keep on cutting away and you will see how your true beauty will shine through. Who needs locks anyway?

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    1. Evidently I don't need locks Pennie, and the only thing that will be shining through will be my bald head! I guess many of us give in to the urge for an instant fix at one time or another. :D

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  4. I just had my hair cut a day ago and my brother said I look like an anime character...

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    1. But those anime characters are pretty neat Lea. I look like a character too, but not in a nice way. :D

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  5. I thought of asking for a picture, but as they say, never ask of others what you yourself cannot give. All I can say, Cath, is that you are a brave woman for even believing you can cut your own hair and come out sane! Just an IMAGINATION of the thought terrifies me, lol!

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    1. Actually I forgot to take a picture right after I did the deed, but will try to remember to do one soon and post an update here. I usually am in such a hurry to get going that I just dry it, fluff it and go. If you don't look too closely, you don't notice the gaps. :D

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  6. You crack me up with this post!!! How much hair do you have left any way? I notice your picture is just your face... hardly any hair is there a reason for this? You remind me of once when I was teaching a class and I asked the kiddos if they knew what it meant to be bold... They surely did! It meant you had no hair.. So my question is: Are you bold? Or bald?

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    1. Lynne, that picture is from a time when I actually had my hair cut professionally. I don't have much hair, it is pretty short because I am not a fussy hair type person. And let's just say I am semi bold. Since I do have a bit of hair left.

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