Tuesday, June 28, 2011

genghis fly and the horde

I got home from work yesterday hot and tired.  It's summer in the south, and feels like we are living three inches from hell.  I get through the summer thinking about how wonderful fall is.   Cool crisp air, autumn leaves in golds and reds.  Steve gets through summer thinking of autumn too.  Football.

As I dream of cooler temperatures I tell Steve hi.  And hear something buzz past my ear.  Damn fly.  I hate them.  Nasty harbingers of maggots to come.  I tell Steve.  He says "I know there are several in here and I killed a couple."

As I walk in the kitchen I notice that there are several flies.  There are more than several.  There are a bunch.  A bunch of flies is equal to at least ten.





Him: I don't know where they came from.  There's your chicken, wrapped in the sink and thawed, I have the rest nearly ready.
Me: Is that deer you are cooking?
Him: yes.
Me: I changed my mind I don't want anything.

So I put the chicken in the fridge and walk away.  He thinks I am mad, but the combination of flies, heat, and the odor of cooking deer combined make my appetite go far, far away.

I go back in the living room and notice.  More flies on the storm door.  By more I mean at least 15.

Now I am starting to look around the room.  REALLY look around.

And there are dozens.  Upon dozens.  I open the back door and caught between the door and storm door are more than I can count.  On the inside, and on the outside, trying to get in.

I am shuddering in disgust as I shriek for Steve to do something.  So he does.

He leaves. He covers his food and leaves.

To go get fly spray.  While he is gone I start swatting.  I feel like my flyswatter has turned into a lightsaber.  I start to feel the Jedi emerge in me.  I swat, thrust, parry, pivot and duck, swat.  The FORCE IS WITH ME.

Then Steve gets back and I hear the sssshhhhhhhh of fly spray.  He is working his way in, weapon drawn and mowing down flies in a wide swath.  I hear the screams of the dying horde.

Ok, so that was a bit over the top.  They weren't screaming.  But they were buzzing.  And when he sprayed the house, and the windows in the bathroom and wreck room...you could hear a loud hum.  REALLY.  There were so many that they made a loud vibrating hum as their little wings beat the air in the fatal dance of fly mortality.

Steve and I stood there and looked at each other.  And we never did figure out where they came from.

But I do know we got their leader.  He was the biggest, hairiest fly of the bunch.

Genghis Fly.

He's gone too now.  And his horde with him.  Swallowed by my Dyson.

But they will live on in legend.



~cath xo
Twitter @jonesbabie

32 comments:

  1. LOL! Genghis Fly....I can see that...LOL. Too funny!

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  2. This is hysterical - except for having to endure that, of course. Just why did Noah have to include two flies? Now look!

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  3. I love swatting flies. There was a time when either I was a lot faster or the flies were a lot slower,and I could catch flies with my bare hands. I felt like a zen Master.

    Now my reflexes aren't as great so the swatter will have to do.

    Great life story.

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  4. I chuckled when you wrote the light saber / Jedi bit, LOL! That was funny, Cathy, but I know how annoyed and even horrified you must've been. I know I'd freak out if I were in your place. If you ever find out what caused it or where they came from, update us okay? I'm dying to know.

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  5. Creepy little buggers. What a crazy thing, maybe they were drawn to the smell of the thawing chicken of the cooking deer? Blech, but funny!

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  6. Wonderful imagery! I could see the scene as I read it - you in a kubuto, squatting in a samurai stance swatter in one hand the other hand waving slowly, fingers fanned... one foot slowly rises from the floor - LOL! As for the flies - I thought of the attic window scene from The Amityville Horror... great read (even a little suspense) - thank you!!

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  7. I hate flies too...I was complaining because a few flies were trapped in the house in London tonight but you were clearly ahead of me on that one. Not complaining any more! lol!

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  8. Sounds like something out of a Hitchcock film similar to "The Birds." As for the aptly named Genghis Fly - I almost threw up! I can't stand flies, hate them with a passion and a bit of fear, and that after living in one of the Fly capitals of the world, Mexico City.

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  9. So funny Cath, I love the jedi knight in you emerging to take on genghis fly! Love it

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  10. Funny in that I'm-getting-all-squirmy kind of way. I guess you could be glad they weren't mosquitoes!

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  11. Hello Cathy -

    Well if Steve was cooking dinner and there were so many flies, why didn't just whisk up a tasty "hairy fly stir fry"? That's what we do in the country of Chicago. Yummmm with whole wheat bread,,,that's to die for ;) hahaha :)

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  12. Oh I hear you sister! Buzzing disease ridden hideousness! I too get a little over zealous with the swat..and the oven gloves...or hubby's tie...or whatever happens to be lying about to use in my moment of anger.

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  13. Love this post, too funny and truly epic. You and your husband: Brave, brave souls! ;p

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  14. Haha! This so happened to me here too! I couldn't believe it because it doesn't get humid and we're on the third floor of a building, but there they all were. I'll have to look out for the Genghis Fly of the bunch the next time. =) Loved this post, Cathy! =)

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  15. But where's the photo?!
    Josie x

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  16. @jerened He was quite a HUNgry fly. :D

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  17. @Thom Brown I'm still trying to figure out that inclusion...just isn't fair. :D

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  18. @Bellesouth Steve used to be able to catch them in his bare hands and taught me too. Now I do good to be able to hit with a swatter. :D

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  19. @Joy It was awful. I felt like we were fly magnets there for a while! :D

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  20. @Lalia I have no idea...we are still trying to figure out what attracted them.

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  21. @Scoop I've read the Amityville horror and that is exactly what came to mind as we battled them...a house possessed. Thanks for the comments!

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  22. @MuMuGB Just let me know, I'd always be glad to send you some! :D

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  23. @Penelope J. I agreed with Scoop, it was more like the Amityville Horror. I had the book and I remember the chapters starting with flies drawn in at the top of the page. Grossed out before I ever read a word. :D

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  24. @Maureen Hunter Thanks Maureen I am glad you liked it. :D

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  25. @charlie nitric Look Charlie, if I won't eat deer I sure won't eat flies. Good suggestion though. :D

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  26. @Lucylastica2 I try to get the swatter but have been known to use whatever was handy to swat them. :D

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  27. @sweepyjean Thanks SJ! Glad you enjoyed it. :D

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  28. @Samantha Bangayan Glad I am not the only collector of fly hordes! I am glad you liked the post Samantha. :D

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  29. @Josie The camera was covered in flies. :D

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  30. Cath you should have been where I was.... flies galore not just one or two snuggling away on your leg, lap top but many that from a distant they look like black patches!

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  31. @Savira Gupta I'd have to develop a coping skill Savira. If flies weren't so intrusive I could tolerate them more. :D

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