Thursday, November 29, 2012

the holes in my heart

Grandma, Grandpa, and the Aunts, Unc and Mum
When we are young we think we are immortal.  Death is unknown to us, and we think it can't touch us.  Every now and then, when someone we know dies a young death, we are shocked into feeling our mortality for a moment.  Then the shock passes, and we move on, busy with living our lives, and not wont to dwell on death and the uncomfortable thought that maybe we too, are susceptible.

Then middle age hits, or in my case, older middle age.  (Because who truly knows what middle age is as the population lives longer every year?)  And suddenly, we are losing people we love, that we never thought would leave us.  But they do.

Tonight I found out another person I loved has passed from this life.  Aunt Judy.  And though I have thought of her over the years, I never thought she would pass from this world.

Before her passed my other mother, my mother in law, of whom there will never be an equal. Before my other mother was Aunt Joan.  And before that was my dad.  Before him my wonderful Aunt Irene.  And before that was my father in law, my other dad, John B.  Before that was my Grammy.  Before Grammy was my Grandpa, and my Grandma after him, and before that was my step mother, a gentle soul who showed me kindness and love when I was so homesick I thought I would die.  There have been other family members and loved ones, but these people impacted my life and changed me as a person.  And with their deaths, I changed again.

I have lost, but I have also gained.  And learned life's most valuable lesson.
my sisters laughter and love is contagious

Live every moment.  Be aware of those moments.  Once gone, they cannot be regained.  All you will have left is what your mind and heart capture in memories.

Don't waste a single moment.  There will be no chance to relive them.  So live them, savor them.  Open your eyes and look.  Feel.  Taste.  Smell.  Touch.  And love each moment, each day as though they were your last.

My life is better for having Aunt Judy and my other family in it.  They can't be replaced.  Aunt Judy was unique, there was no one else like her, and never will be.

They have left holes in my heart that can never be filled. is truly good. ~cath
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