Wednesday, August 25, 2010

plane karma version 2.1

from an email to my friends and family on August 12, 2008:

Well my plane karma on the trip back was just weird...I kept telling myself "don't get off the plane, don't get off the plane" and was doing fine keeping my butt in the seat...then we land in PHOENIX...I keep saying "stay on the plane, stay on the plane" when all of a sudden this voice comes out of the great beyond and says "GET OFF THE PLANE"....for a minute I thought it was the voice of the devil...

turned out to be the stewardess telling us they had to do maintenance and were kicking us to the curb...to gate C4 specifically (isn't that an explosive?) so I drag my stuff out of the plane and to another gate where I had to get physical and shove some old lady out of the way who was trying to get on the plane ahead of me...it was ok though, she was in a wheel chair and I just shoved it in a very subtle way with my foot...she didn't even know it was me...I just was NOT going to get left behind...  oh ok vix, so there wasn't an old lady but it sounds better than me standing in the handicapped line by mistake....

the only other incident was in the toilet (no it wasn't the mile high club...unless there is a version for solo fliers who need to pee and hit the emergency eject button by mistake....)...yes I did hit that little red button looking for the waste bin for the towel I had managed to find after washing my hands in the tiniest sink in the tiniest bathroom I have ever seen on a plane...I won't even discuss the toilet seat that could only fit one butt cheek at a time on it...

anyway...I am pushing buttons looking for the waste bin and one of the buttons lit up...and I heard a loud DING...and I am thinking to myself I KNOW THAT DOESN'T MEAN I WIN A PRIZE...I started hollering "GOD DAWG DON'T EJECT ME I AM FINE I AM FINE!!!" and as fast as I could I ripped the door open and there was that devil stewardess smiling at me (smirking really come to think of it) and she had to reach way over her head by the bathroom and reset the idiot button....as I walked back to my seat...I dragged my feet just in case a piece of toilet paper was stuck to my heel...and with all the dignity I could muster I threw myself back in my seat....then burst out laughing....my plane karma still sucks.....
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