just my thoughts: the saromony

It's been an eventful year for our family so far. That is one reason I haven't posted anything in the past month. Events in my life have had me so busy I just couldn't focus on writing a single post. Then the desire to write began to go (similar to exercise, if you don't do it consistently the interest and routine begins to fade.) I was beginning to worry about ever feeling that push in my gut to put my thoughts down again, and then something happened to light me up again. It was something big in our family, but not important to anyone else, and I thought to myself "I'll post this, so I won't forget it."

So here I am, typing away again on the computer, putting down another memory and laughing about it while I do. It started with the marriage of my daughter and new son in law. A second marriage for both, they had been hemming and hawing about getting married for a while now. Jen, being the planner she is, had planned and postponed their wedding a couple times. First the mountains, then the beach, no back to the mountains, no, let's go to the beach. That sort of thing. Then she decided she needed to plan it far enough in advance she could lose some weight...

Then cancer struck. Several months and three surgeries ago, Jen was diagnosed with cancer on her vocal chord. The left vocal chord to be specific. I know where it is because I saw an endoscopic photo of the monster in my baby's throat. Every three months, a trip to the outpatient surgery. She would be put to sleep and her vocal chord stripped. Over and over until I began to despair. Then, after the last surgery the surgeon gave us wonderful news. It had been downgraded from cancer to dysplasia. That means abnormal cells, NOT cancer. We celebrated and took a deep breath. And said a prayer that the surgery in May will be the last.

So the wedding plans were on again...this time it was the beach...no it was too cold in spring for the beach...it was going to be in the beautiful yard of a coworker and friend of Jennifer's, in May. The race was on and shopping trips and online browsing ensued to find the perfect wedding dress and clothes for the kids and Michael (the quietly suffering uncomplaining groom). Texts were passed back and forth, and photos of dresses, discussions about how to add red to the black and white theme Jen had decided on. I was stoic, and promised to help with the alterations and anything else I was assigned to.

Then a week or so ago, on the 28th day of March, while I was in another state on business, Jen did something that made me proud of her. It was totally out of character for my superplanner accountant daughter.

Jennifer and Michael slipped off to the county courthouse and got married. When I got out of my meeting and turned my phone back on at the airport, I was hit with a barrage of texts. The first I saw was Steve saying we have a new son in law. I kind of disregarded it, because this is the same man who told me his parents had an outhouse right before he put me on a plane (2 weeks before I gave birth) to Alabama to stay with his parents until he was mustered out of the Air Force. (There was no outhouse.) Other texts confirmed it, including the one from Jen to us all, announcing what she had done, after the fact.

What Jen didn't count on was the disappointment of one of the kids. She said Michael's daughters were ok with it, and Duncan could care less. But Maddie was disappointed. Steve confirmed it when he said she looked crestfallen when Jen told her on the phone what had happened. Maddie had looked forward to being part of her mommy's wedding and told me later "you won't have to make my dress fit now, Grammy, since Mommy and Michael got married."

I figured that was the end of it, and Maddie would get past it and move on. Then last weekend I got a bizarre text from Maddie. This was the text I got (remember she is 8 years old):

I thought they were on their way to the wedding of a friend and just laughed at Maddie's spelling and telling me Dunc was the "ring guy". Then I got this from Jen a while later:

THAT was what Maddie was alluding to in her convoluted way! It touched me that Jen would make the extra effort to include the kids (as many as she could get together at one time anyway) and try to make them feel part of this marriage. And if it took a little time to put something together, then it was all worth it. I sent Jen the text Maddie had sent to me, and this is how that went: