Thursday, December 30, 2010

weird week

What a weird way to end the year.  But I am not surprised.  If things seem to be going along fairly smoothly, then something is going to happen to jack it up.  That is not me being a pessimist.  It is me being a realist.

The past couple weeks have been way busier than I thought they would be.  Partly because they were short work weeks.  We had three day work weeks back to back so I had to cram 5 days into 3.  In the mental health field that isn't a good thing.  I don't like not being able to take as long as I need to with clients.  They have a tough time at the holidays and I have discovered that a population that is mostly stable the rest of the year does a lot of unravelling during the holidays.  I can understand it though.  I am moodier myself.  I started out with great cheer and it had slowly fizzled.

Had some words with the oldest daughter the other day.  On the phone.  That isn't the way I normally like to interact when I am having a serious conversation with someone, but it just happened.  We got started, the words started pouring out, and before I knew it she was in tears on the phone.  Yes after raising her I can always tell when she is teary.  Mine didn't start until after the call ended, and then I vented to the nurse who shares an office with me, which didn't make me feel better but she was kind enough to listen.  I rarely vent like that.  I am not allowed (my own standard).  That was when it hit me.  The holidays were making me unravel too.  And not in a good way. 

I felt morose the rest of the day, didn't sleep much that night, and was still chewing on it the next morning.  Over the years I have become so in tune with my inner spirit that I can tell when I am not centered, or balanced.  When I get off balance, it affects my positive energy and also those around me.  I went to work still chewing on it.  I do that.  Chew on things that are bothering me until a) I figure out a solution or understanding of the issue, or b) let it go.  I wasn't to the letting go stage, and after a bit I realized it is ok for my daughter and I to have different opinions.  No matter what she said about me, I know how I feel and act and mostly am ok with it.  SO I began to understand where we were both coming from, on an emotional level, and finally I was able to spit it out and feel I had at least resolved my side of the issues.  It was a good thing I did too because something came up at work and required a calm spirit from me to deal with, and the outcome was good, but the day before it could have been a fiasco. 

I firmly believe the people around us pick up on the aura we exude, the mood we are in, the turmoil we feel, and it affects how others react to us.  I have always had an ability to calm down people who were in turmoil, mostly because I stay present in the moment and speak to them from a calm spiritual state.  My family calls me the rock for this reason, and that describes it as well as any word does.

So last night we celebrated Jack's 6th birthday.  My daughter was there.  For a while we just spoke politely to each other and kept it civil.  There came a moment when we were talking in the middle of the kitchen, and suddenly she grabbed me in a hug, and apologized and told me she loved me.  And I was telling her the same thing at the same time.

I was centered again.  And blessed to have a daughter who has been able to stay centered most of the time herself. 

Life is always good, even when it isn't, because I am learning and growing.  But at times life is so much better than good.  When you have hope during times of turmoil, you can make it to times of centered being....

Happy New Year to you all, and may you have a year of centered peace and happiness...


  1. Happy new year to you too :) loved this topic

  2. This made me cry for both of you, but they are tears of happiness, that you BOTH realized that love was the only answer.

    Happy New Year Cathy! Love you!

  3. Cathy, I just wanted to say what a great post. I really relate to almost everything you write. I love it. I am that centered person in my family and the voice of reason in the storm. This is an important role because it does set the tone for others in the family. This whole fall I have felt off center and am still not completely there yet. Scares me though because I am usually that person. I'm glad that you and your daughter worked things out.

    Happy New Year.....Jules

  4. Great post ^_^

    I love the quote "Life is always good, even when it isn't, because I am learning and growing. But at times life is so much better than good. When you have hope during times of turmoil, you can make it to times of centered being...."

    So very true..

    Hope you have a wonderful New Year :)

  5. When I wrote this post I really didn't think many people would read it or comment, because it is a bit "different". What a nice surprise to see so many nice comments. The best response I can give is simply...

    thank you all...

    and take care of yourselves, especially if you are responsible for other lives as well...the well must never run dry...

    xoxo cath

  6. Words to live by, literally. Thank you for sharing with us (whoops, I sound like a therapist!). Take care! Best, Karen

  7. I can always use a little therapy Karen! Thanks for the comments!