Thursday, November 17, 2011

lessons in etiquette from a 6 year old

Jack
I have 4 grandkids.  God chose to bless me with three of them within a six month period.  I had just started thinking that having grandkids might be nice and BOOM, there came Jack, then the twins arrived 6 months later. My life has never been the same since.  Jack, Maddie Kate and Duncan have added a dimension to my life that I did not realize was possible, and John, the baby, is just icing on the cake.  Life is sweeter now than it has ever been.

There is a dark side to a six year old that I didn't realize existed.  I swear I don't remember my kids being anything like these three.  I think the reason they are different is group think.  One six year old is manageable. Put three together and you have a whirlwind.  An uncontrollable whirlwind.  They think and act differently.  And what they believe to be true is never anywhere even remotely close to what is actually true.

I am sharing some of the things the kids have learned along the way about etiquette.  I shudder to think they might grow up and still use these tactics.  I don't pray for grandkids now.  That prayer was answered.  These days I pray they will outgrow some of these things they do.  Especially #2.

1. It's ok to eat another 6 year old's food to keep him from getting in trouble for not cleaning up all his food.  Especially when you are waiting for him to finish so you can both have a BombPop.
Dunc
2. Picking your nose is ok.  Wiping the booger on Gramps' new truck seat is a BIG mistake.
3. It's always ok to laugh loudly when someone farts.  Even if it's an adult doing the farting.  Even in a public place.
4. Proper etiquette dictates not only do you laugh when someone farts, but you discuss how loud it was, if it smelled, and the quality of the sound it made in the loudest voice possible.
5. It is ok to want to see blood if someone is hurt and bleeding.  And quite proper to then talk about how gross the wound was.  It is not ok to hit your cousin with a sharp instrument to cause the wound you want to see.
6. Food is not just for eating.  It is also for dropping in the floor and smearing on body parts to make your cousins laugh.
7. It's never ok to delay leaving for school by acting like you don't know how to dress yourself.  Especially when your mommy is already mad because you have made her late.
8. Getting dressed for school takes forever.  Getting dressed to go outside to ride your four wheeler breaks all records for speed.  It is the theory of attraction in action.
Maddie Kate
9. Telling Grammy and Gramps you work at McDonald's and they can just drop you off on their way home will never be believable.  Because they know you don't mop floors.  Because you are a slug.
10. Having a food fight at the table is grossly unacceptable.  So is trying to get that last tater tot out of the floor and eat it before the dog gets to it.
11. Pretending you are deaf and feeding your meal to the dogs because you don't like it will never be believed by your grandparents.  They know that if they mention chocolate chip cookies, you will hear them from the other end of the house.
12. Free jumping from the back of the couch or the bed to the floor will get you in hot water.  Even if it is your Gramps' fault because he let you bake chocolate chip cookies and eat them at 5 PM.
13. It is never ok to shine a flashlight in your grandparents' faces because you are doing a bed check at 5AM to see if anyone else is awake.

If you have grandkids, you know these things I speak of are true, proven theories in what 6 year olds believe.  If you don't have grandkids, you'll just have to have faith and believe what I say.  These are all absolutes in the world of children.

Every day with these yayhoos is an adventure.  Every single day.  Exhausting, hair raising,  aggravating, laughter-filled...and I wouldn't change one thing.

Except the boogers maybe.


~cath xo
Twitter @jonesbabie
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