Tuesday, February 15, 2011

the gimlet eye

I was tired when I got in from work today, and headed straight for some hot tea.  Steve was in the living room in "his" seat in front of the television.  He started telling me about his day.

Today was Steve's checkup at the doctor.  Not a complete physical, just some labwork results.  So I wasn't expecting much.  He was worried about his blood sugar, because he's been fighting with his diet to keep his numbers manageable.  And they weren't cooperating.  I was expecting to hear that the doctor had zapped him about it and threatened to sew his lips shut permanently.

So I was surprised when Steve said "I had to have a sonar today."

Me: what sonar?
Him: a sonar a sonar, you know.
Me: what did they sonar?  (remember we are in separate rooms and he is hard of hearing)
Him: they sent me to that building in back for a sonar.
Me: WHAT DID THEY SONAR?
Him: THEY WANTED TO DO A SONAR!
Me: WHAT PART OF YOUR BODY DID THEY SONAR!  I KNOW WHAT A SONAR IS!
Him: MY THYROID!!!

By now I am standing in the doorway to the kitchen and looking at him.  He may not be able to hear me  but I know he can read my lips.

Me: WHY?
Him: they think my thyroid is messed up.
Me: you had an elevated TSH then, and your labwork showed something.
Him: I guess.

I take a really good look at this man I love, and see how dejected he looks.  Every time he sees the doctor, they are discovering something else is out of whack.  I know he needs reassurance that he isn't falling apart with old age, some loving supportive words that will buoy his spirit and show how much I care.

But....I...can't...bring...myself...to...say...the...words....because....

I have this picture in my head as soon as he says thyroid.  Of Marty Feldman.  And once that picture enters my head I just have to say it...

"Well honey, I have noticed you are a little pop-eyed looking lately...kinda like Marty Feldman."

He gives me the gimlet eye as I turn to go back in the kitchen.  I am laughing out loud, harder by the minute.  And I hear him say...

"Smartass."

I just laugh harder.  What he doesn't know is that I love Marty Feldman.  Bulging eyes can be real sexy. 

Especially if they are looking at me..
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