Monday, May 16, 2011

monday maybe...not

Well here I am.  Another prompt blown to dust this month.  I could say another failure, but in the scheme of my life, it really isn't so. 

I started new job responsibilities at work about two weeks ago.  I was keeping up the daily blog posts at that time, but quickly felt overwhelmed.  How many times in your life have you felt the heavy pressure of too much "stuff" on your shoulders?  That was what I was feeling.  Weight.  On my shoulders.  They were literally tightening up on me. 

Soon, my shoulders were feeling almost bruised from the stress.  Then sleep stopped, and my thoughts began to race.

This is a chronic workaholic pattern for me.  I know when this happens that I am internalizing too much.  The difference between this time and others is that now I have INSIGHT.  I know me better.  Over the years and path my life has taken, each moment has been a learning time for me.  Successes, failures, I see them all the same way. 

Lessons.  Years ago, in the midst of a particularly low point in my life, I ran across a book.  The title caught my name, so I bought the book and brought it home.  I started reading it.  Usually a fast reader, I found myself reading, going back a few pages and reading again, and thinking about what I was reading.

The name of the book was "A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose" by Eckhart Tolle.  It was like I had entered another dimension.  I began to realize things about myself.  And it changed the way I looked at life.  At how I saw myself.  How I saw others.

It took me seven months to read that book.  Yes, you read that right.  Seven months.

But I have new eyes into my own soul now.  I see what the importance of experiencing the now moments really means.  To be totally here, while I write this.  While I drink my tea.  While I listen to the hum of the clothes dryer.  I have awakened.

So when I felt my shoulders tighten, I knew I had been seduced into old patterns.  And I rejected them.  And recentered my thoughts to the now.  And my shoulders said thank you as they relaxed.

And I slept.  Deeply.  Felt rested when I awakened.  And the job became the job instead of becoming my life.

Now I see I have missed many days posting.  And I am ok with that.  Because I post when the mood moves me, or I want to share my thoughts.  That is what this blog is about.  Not keeping up.  Not gaining anything more than the pleasure of sharing a few simple thoughts.

This weekend I had work to do on my second job.  The job I love.  That gives me pleasure.  I painted, updated our website, and painted some things just for me.  Painting is where I go to refresh my energy.

Where do you go to refresh yourself?  What do you do to bring back energy when it is sucked away by negativity and stress?  I challenge each of you to think about how you keep your spirits and energy alive.  Think about how some things might be or should be different.  Think about what works and how to multiply it.

As for me.....I will paint.
~cath xo 
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