Wednesday, October 5, 2011

caught between brains

I have two brains. They both occupy one skull. And they function at opposite ends of the thinking spectrum.

Brain one is organized. It keeps me on track as I juggle a full time job, a part time job, family obligations, and myriad other daily things I have to do.

Brain two is the dunderhead. The brain that thinks oddball thoughts in strange situations.

Today I was brain one at work. Last night on the plane coming home from our vacation, I was brain two. I thought to myself, "never sit next to a sweet little old lady in a window seat."

You see, I was shoved under Stevie Wonder's arm, and every time I tried to lean away, I was in danger of squashing the elderly lady. (She was so thoughtful too...she made sure to wake me up to ask me if I wanted a snack at 10PM.)

I also kept thinking that wearing a sweater and bringing a shawl too was a big mistake. The body heat coming off Stevie in waves made me feel like I was in a sauna. Then the plane hit turbulence and I felt like I was riding a bucking bronc inside that sauna.

Not long after that, as we got close to landing, Stevie rolled his eyes at me like a horse with colic and said those fateful words you never want to hear when you are wedged tight as a drum next to someone in a closed space:

"my stomach's cramping BAD"

I just looked aghast and said "WHAT!?"

He knew what I was thinking...fart cloud. And quickly assured me he was fine. Sure he was fine...45 minutes and 2 stops later (in two different bathrooms) at the airport terminal. By that point he was grabbing the anti-diarrheal I always carry on trips, and using his teeth to punch holes in the foil wrap and suck the pills out.

Brain two was still in gear when I pointed out to him that it probably wasn't a good idea to down free plane peanuts inflight, and a large bag of trail mix on the plane layover into a stomach that was complaining about the previous night's clam chowder.

His reply? (Wretch had picked us up and was driving. Stevie Wonder was in the back seat.) "If I say pull over, you better do it fast."

And I thought to myself..."if you climb out, you are finding your own way home."

Wretch was laughing her head off, trying not to wreck the car.

He's better today. So am I.

And brain one is back in control.

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