Tuesday, January 11, 2011

they're alive?

There have been some interesting conversations being relayed around our house the past two days.  Some of them actually started days ago, and were running discussions.  

Steve:  you need to look in my throat when you get home, when Rachel cleaned my teeth today she saw two red dots that looked like healing spots of something.  (this said to me last week)
Me: pizza palate probably.
Steve: huh?
Me: you ate something hot and burned your mouth.
Steve: I haven't had pizza.  I don't eat pizza. (except at Christmas of course, but he forgot that)
Me: then something else burned your mouth and you forgot.
Steve: I HAVEN'T burned my mouth eating.  I don't burn my mouth eating.
Me: ok (I know he thinks he has something deadly going on, but I don't argue.  I also forget to look.)

Sunday he is eating pork chops he grilled Saturday and warmed in the microwave.
Steve: @#*&#@!  Those pork chops are hot!  I just burned my mouth!
At this point I could really lay an "I told you so" on him, but I refrain and just do an eye roll behind his back.

Then Sunday he made chili.  Or maybe it was Monday.  When you are snowed in, you lose track of time.  I got a bowl of chili.  It set my mouth on fire.  Made my nose run.  I choked when it hit my throat.  Of course, I could have just not eaten it, but by then I was bored and it looked like a perfect opportunity for a fight.

Me: you put too much chili powder in the chili. (said in my sweetest voice)
Steve: no, I didn't.
Me: yes, you did. (again, sweetly)
Steve: I put the same amount of chili powder in that I always do, 3 tablespoons.
Me: it tastes different.  It is hotter and burning my throat. (this is definitely a verbal jab)
Steve: well I did put a can of zesty tomatoes in it.
Me: it's more than a zesty tomato, when it gets past my tongue, my throat tries to close up. (jab, jab)
Steve: I MADE IT THE SAME WAY I ALWAYS DO!  It's because you made me put GREASY hamburger into it instead of deer meat, which is lean!  (like greasy food bothers him...he is polishing off what is left of a bag of potato chips and sour cream dip while he is hollering at me about the grease in hamburger)

This conversation went on through the whole bowl of chili, then repeated itself when I had a second bowl later that day.  (I was just evil by then and wanted to pass the time with another chili verbal boxing rematch.)

Then later that night (or maybe it was the next day) Steve digs in the pantry.  I wasn't touching the chili at that point because I was on fire throughout my whole digestive tract.

Steve: AHA!  It was YOUR fault that chili is too spicy!
Me: and how do you figure that? (I am on the phone with my sister, and I figure I can use her as a material witness if we go to trial)
Steve: because the chili powder is HOT MEXICAN STYLE!  And YOU BUY ALL THE SPICES!
Me: yes I do, except I asked you to pick up some chili powder at Christmas in case I needed it for the Mexican Roll Up recipe.
Steve: (oh)
and then...silence...

Lipizzan stallions are famous, and have been around for hundreds of years.  You can find out more here.  This photo is from the http://www.lipizzan.org/index.html and shows General George S. Patton and  Colonel Alois Podhajsky, the head of the Spanish Riding School in Austria, during World War II.

Today Steve was on the phone with our youngest daughter Deb (affectionately called wretch by me) and I was getting ready for work.  All of a sudden he started laughing loudly.  They talked a few minutes more and then he came running to the bathroom door.

Steve:  you'll never guess what Deb just said to me!
Me: no, I won't, so tell me.
Steve: I told her that Jack (our grandson) was going to get to go to see the Lipizzaner stallions this weekend.  She said what are those?  I said 'you've never heard of the Lipizzaner stallions?' and she said no.  So I told her they were famous horses from Austria, and were captured about 65 years ago during WWII.  Then we rescued them from the German Army, who would have EATEN them.
(I didn't tell him they were in danger of being eaten by several different groups of people, since meat was rare and they were basically steaks on legs.)
Steve: And do you KNOW what Deb said then?
Me: no, what did she say?
Steve: she said...(and he was already laughing) ...YOU MEAN THEY ARE STILL ALIVE???

Yes, we really have these conversations, and yes, I have a daughter who thinks horses live to be 70 years old.  And I am wondering would Lipizzan chili taste any different than deer chili?

The roads are thawing and I need to escape soon....


  1. How I would love to be a fly on the wall in your house! You two sound hilarious! Thanks for the chuckle Cathy!

  2. well Denise we have to laugh at ourselves, because what's scary is that it is the truth :D

  3. OMG Cath, that moment when Steve said "oh" after trying to blame you for the chili debacle... how I've lived that moment so many times! Why is that men try to blame us for everything (and it rarely ever works I might add) LMAO

  4. because they think they can Kathy :D