ch[ai]ming in

Before Christmas I made a commitment to have better health. Diet, exercise, and whatever it took to get me to my goal. My goal was not to wear a size 2. The goal was to feel better, be healthier, and have more energy.

But I was lying like a rug. I was seduced by the very foods that put me into slug mode, and I kept backsliding into the abyss I was trying to haul myself out of.

Then ten weeks ago Stevie Wonder started dieting. I was so happy he was concerned about his health and ready to commit to a lifestyle change. I knew all the principles of dieting, so I joined him as his diet buddy.

(Even though I had already failed my sister-in-law as her diet buddy, as well as numerous friends and other family members over the past several years.)

Stevie Wonder is 50 pounds lighter and 2 sizes smaller as of this writing. And somehow I've lost 15 pounds and a size along the way, even though I have not been as stringent and dedicated as SW has.

But I've had some successes along the way.

This is the first holiday season in my life that I have lost weight and not added more on.

I noticed I don't have the joint aches and pains I was having. And I have more energy.

I can think clearly and with better purpose. My brain no longer lives in a carbohydrate induced coma.

But I miss my Starbucks chai. Like the phantom pain from an amputated limb, I can feel it, as if I had a steaming cup sitting solidly in my hand. Until today, I had not had any for two long months. No chai.

Then Stevie Wonder did the unthinkable today and bought me one. I got to the truck with it, and just held it in my hands for a bit, savoring the smell, feeling the heat from the hot liquid seep into the muscles of my fingers and hands, making my hands almost glow with the warmth.

Then finally, that first sip. Oh my, it hit my tongue and my taste buds exploded with remembered ecstasy. It was even better than I remembered. Like a wine connoisseur I could pick out the nuance of each spice, from the peppery start to the cardamom and vanilla-honey finish.

Ahhh. Too soon, it was gone. Drained, the cup sat there staring at me forlornly as though saying "what now"? And I had no answer. It will be many weeks before I indulge again. The memory of that perfect cup of tea will be all I have to cling to, until the day comes when I can indulge once more. Someday.

I'm keeping that cup so I can sniff it like a junkie and dream my Starbucks dreams.